


Alone

by PhotographicDisaster



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Autophobia, Childhood Friends AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Phobias, UshiTen Week 2020, fear of being alone, slight angst, ushiten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26117836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhotographicDisaster/pseuds/PhotographicDisaster
Summary: Autophobia, the fear of being alone...“Please...please don’t go,” He choked out, “Don’t ever go...I don’t want to be alone...”“I won’t. I won’t ever go. Even if you can’t see me with your eyes, I’ll always be here. I won’t let you feel that feeling you fear,” he spoke without faltering. Everything he said was genuine, soft, and comforting.Tendou couldn’t help but let the words soak into his heart.“I won’t let you be alone.”ushiten week 2020 || day 2 || phobias
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 258
Collections: Ushiten Week 2020





	Alone

He sat with his eyes closed, legs crossed for just a moment. Ushijima Wakatoshi took a minute to clear his head, opening his eyes and standing. 

The boy was young, just a 6th year in primary school, with very little friends. He only really had acquaintances, which were either classmates or teammates. 

Ushijima stood on one side of the net, watching as others passed the ball back and forth. Whenever he got the chance, he would spike it down and make the other side frustrated. 

It seemed as if almost everyone got the chance to play - everyone but the red head standing by the wall. 

He had a bowlcut, and just seemed to be watching with a neutral expression. Some may have called it creepy, but it seemed normal to Ushijima. 

He had been standing alone for a while, and at first Ushijima just thought it was because there were too many people, or he wasn’t ready to join yet. 

He stood lonely, and although unfazed, Ushijima couldn’t help but think he was even just the slightest bit upset. 

“Who’s that?” He asked one of the boys on his side, glancing over, but not staring. 

“Oh, that’s Satori. He’s kind of scary and the others call him a monster,” he said, “I’m not sure why, but he’s always left alone. No one really likes him.” 

Ushijima looked up at his friend, then back towards ‘Satori’. 

“Does he play?” 

“I think so, yeah.” 

Without asking another work, Ushijima walked over. The boy looked up at him with his funny wide eyes and upturned lips, tilting his head. 

“What is it?”

“Do you play?”

“Yes, but the others don’t want me on their team. They don’t want me to play.” 

“Why not?” 

“They say that monsters don’t play with humans.”

“...But you’re not a monster,” Ushijima scrunched his eyebrows, “Come on, you can play on my team. What’s your position?”

“Wait—really?” 

“Yes. What’s your position.”

“Blocker.”

“Okay. Come now, before we cant play anymore today.” 

From then on, Tendou stuck to Ushijima’s side. They always played on the same team to keep Tendou away from the others. The others who would pick on him and call him a monster. Even if Ushijima was dragged into the mess, he stayed by Tendou and didn’t let go. 

Although this was the case, it still hurt Tendou. Every word, every damaging thing that came out of someone’s mouth - it still hurt. 

Tendou was good at putting up with it. He could hold up a front for a long time, get his revenge later during a game, but still... 

It caused him to fear not being by Ushijima’s side. Without the Spiker, Tendou would barely be stable anymore. 

Ushijima deflected every word that Tendou couldn’t - he brought Tendou back up whenever someone kicked him down. It even went into Junior High. 

“Ushi,” he spoke, as they cleaned up from practice. Tendou held a few balls, while Ushijima mopped with the dust mops. 

“Yes, Tendou?” He asked, looking up, but still moving. 

“How come you’re willing to be my friend?” He asked, dropping the volleyballs into the cart. The tone of his voice was a little strange, unfamiliar to Ushijima. 

“Because you’re nice,” he said, without thinking too hard, “You’re good at what you do. You stick around, so I don’t mind.” 

His quick response kind of caught Tendou off guard. He continued to collect and put away the stray volleyballs, rolling the cart into the storage while Ushijima finished up polishing the floors. 

“Would you...ever leave me, Wakatoshi?” He asked, as they picked up their bags to leave.

“Leave you? Like going home without you?”

“No, no, like uh...forget about me,” he said, “Would you ever leave and forget about me?”

“Why would I do that?” Ushijima looked to his friend curiously, who was kicking up rocks as they walked, together, “Of course not.” 

“...Really?” 

“Yes, really. You are a close friend of mine, aren’t you? I’d never forget about you, even if I did leave.” 

Leave. Of the two words, that’s the one he didn’t wan to hear. 

Tendou tried not to make his wince obvious, and he looked away. Something bubbled in his chest - a bad feeling. 

“So...you wouldn’t forget - but would you leave...?”

“No. Not any time soon.” 

So...later? 

Tendou didn’t want to be persistent, or annoying, or anything that would cause Ushijima to stray away faster and further. He simply nodded. 

“Okay. Thank you.” 

“Why do you ask?” Ushijima looked forwards, as Tendou finally glanced over at him. 

“No reason, really,” he said, “I was just curious.” 

-

“It really is a shame...was hoping we’d make it to nationals once more,” Tendou chuckled, picking up his bag and heading towards the door. 

“Yes...but I enjoyed the match. It was...thrilling, in a way,” Ushijima said, turning to him. 

Tendou sighed, then chuckled, “You really are an interesting guy.”

The two of them, finished closing up and headed back to dorms. The energy was low, and it seemed kind of strange. 

“Wakatoshi,” Tendou said, almost about 5 minutes of quite, “Could you come over to my dorm tonight? Just for a little.”

Ushijima looked over to the male, who was watching his feet as they approached the dorm building. He looked forwards and nodded. 

“Yeah. I can stay for a little.”

It was oddly quite, with questions popping up every once in a while until they got to Tendou’s room. 

The lights flicked on and Tendou dropped his things, “Thank you, by the way.” 

“Of course,” Ushijima closed the door, placing his bag next to Tendou’s bed and looking over at him. 

He could tell something was off. Something was really off, but he didn’t know how to confront him about it. 

“You know, Wakatoshi,” he began, not looking at the other, “I was afraid of this day.” 

“Retiring from volleyball?” 

“Yeah,” he said softly, sitting on the bed. Tendou motioned to the other chairs, as well as the space next to him. 

Ushijima picked the spot next to Tendou, keeping just a little bit of space between them. 

“More specifically, leaving the team,” he said, “I...don’t like when things end, especially things with other people involved.” 

“Well... it has to happen at some point,” Ushijima said, looking over. Tendou flopped on his back, his hair curling against the wall. 

“I know...but it makes me worried,” he said, “The people I made connections with—that they suddenly don’t want anything to do with me anymore. That they only wanted me for that one thing.” 

Ushijima sat quietly, listening. Although he was a quite, stoic person, he was understanding. Not in the sense that he felt the same, but in the sense that he knew what Tendou was talking about. 

“It leaves me lonely,” he said, “I wouldn’t mind as much if I was forgotten...I mean, I just think of it as I didn’t impact them too much...being ignored deliberately though—it makes me feel lonely. I don’t like being alone.”

“Ah...so you’re concerned about your connections with the rest of the team?” Ushijima asked softly, not lying down, but adjusting himself to look at Tendou. He was staring upwards. 

“Basically, yeah...” he said. Tendou closed his eyes for a moment, “I don’t like the idea of being alone. It scares me. It reminds me of when I was a child, and no one wanted to be my friend. I was lonely because I was bullied, and I was bullied because I was lonely.”

“Tendou...”

”And then you came along—you invited me to be on your team, you wanted me to play. You kept holding me up, and suddenly everything that happened before was just unreal,” he continued, speaking a little fast. The redhead brought his hands up to his own face and squished his cheeks, dragging them down, “You made me forget what it was like to be lonely, but sometimes - sometimes I remember, and it doesn’t feel good. It’s the kind of feeling I hate so much I’m afraid of it being real.”

Ushijima’s eyes widened the slightest bit as Tendou rambled. Although it was sudden, he was glad he was hearing it. 

He could understand what was wrong. Why the energy was low - every little detail that showed Tendou wasn’t his usual self finally made sense. 

“I’m sorry,” Tendou then laughed lightly, which surprised Ushijima, “I’m sorry Wakatoshi. You probably weren’t expecting this and I may be annoying you, or making you want to leave me—“

“ _Satori_ ,” Ushijima cut in softly, “You don’t need to be sorry. I’m actually quite glad you’re telling me this...as your friend—your best friend, I’m glad you’re informing me. I may not have any idea what you’re going through in your head, and I may never get how afraid you are of your fear, but don’t be sorry, and don’t hesitate to tell me these things.” 

Tendou looked at him, and tears pricked his eyes. He sat up on his arms, and his face scrunched a little. 

“Wakatoshi...” he muttered, gripping the blankets in his fingers, “This—this is going to sound selfish...but please, listen...”

“Of course, Satori.” 

“Please... _please don’t go_ ,” He choked out, “Don’t ever go...I don’t want to be alone...” 

Ushijima watched as tears rolled down his eyes, and he reached out an arm to pull him into a hug. A soft, warm embrace that Tendou practically melted in. 

“I won’t. I won’t ever go. Even if you can’t see me with your eyes, I’ll always be here. I won’t let you feel that feeling you fear,” he spoke without faltering. Everything he said was genuine, soft, and comforting.   
  


Tendou couldn’t help but let the words soak into his heart. 

“I won’t let you be alone.”

**Author's Note:**

> the change in name calling was intentional (: (ushijima -> wakatoshi / tendou -> satori)


End file.
